Hello Dear Pal:

Today begins my BIRTHMONTH and unlike some others at this age, I fully embrace my big day—December 10th.

I have always been a bit obsessive about birthdays. Probably because I’m from a big family, and I loved that I got ONE day when the attention could be on me.

But it’s also because my birthday is in December and gets overshadowed by Christmas and so much end-of-the year craziness. At college I had trouble finding people to celebrate with me because the day landed right in the middle of exams.

More than once, I remember my poor mother—worn out from making Christmas cookies for school functions, holiday breads to give to neighbors, etc.—asking me, “With all the sweets we have for Christmas, do you mind if you don’t have a cake?”

And don’t get me started on the two-in-one birthday/Christmas gifts.

But don’t feel sorry for me. I’ve made up for any early deprivation by celebrating like a lunatic since then. Especially on milestone birthdays. For my 30th birthday, I ended up as the Travel + Leisure cover shot—in a bikini (the photo was taken by my then fiance). For my 40th, I threw a party at an old dance hall in Fisher, Texas, with a fabulous Western swing band.

For my 50th, I had just moved from San Miguel de Allende, Mexico to the Austin area and had a Mexican theme—complete with a mariachi band, a taco truck, tres leches cake and a bespoke pair of my own mariachi pants.

My 60th was a bust—since it came during COVID—and I thought I was going to be really depressed that there was no wingding. But I was strangely elated. I kept saying, “I can’t believe I made it to 60!!”

This year, I’ll be 65 and am thrilled that I’m getting Medicare, since health insurance has long been a headache for me as a mostly self-employed person. I’m not throwing a party. I’m saving up for my big to-do in March—my second wedding!

In my mind, the birthday celebrating will kinda continue until the I-Dos. But that’s probably toooo long. Especially considering that I actually started my birthday events last month. When I was at NYC’s Tavern on the Green with my niece and her daughter, the server asked, “Do we have a birthday here?” I piped up with a “Yes!” even though we were almost 3 weeks ahead of the event. Such a shameless birthday hog! (But who doesn’t love free cake?!)

How long do you celebrate your birthday?

That’s a line I repeated several times during my coffee with NextTriber Dana Mitchell, who came through Asheville last week and told me about her on-going divorce process after 30-something years of marriage. I was struck by how similar our situations were and how leaving a long marriage, even an unsatisfactory one, can be both heartbreaking and liberating.

I have discovered that common ground often in the 4 ½ years since my own divorce. We’ve written about how and why “Gray Divorce” is on the rise, and I’ve talked about it frequently with a good friend, Cathi Hanauer, who separated from her husband of 29 years at almost exactly the same time as I did.

Over the years, Cathi and I have compared notes (especially about life on the dating apps), a conversation we continued over dinner in NYC a week ago. Yesterday, I read her essay in the New York Times with great interest. She’s such a beautiful writer (she was our Answer Queen for years) and describes so well the peculiar limbo and conflicted feelings of splitting up at this time in life. But also the joy that can be found.

Equally fascinating were the comments on her piece. She bravely posed a question in the comment section and got an incredible response—some of it not laudatory.

But she’s happy. Dana is happy. I’m happy. But that doesn’t mean divorce is for everyone. Far from it. If you’re content in your long marriage, that’s quite a feat! Congratulations and what’s your secret??

I’ve written about my many missed chances to get to the Galapagos Islands. (Even my suitcase got there before me!) We are going to the Galapagos at the end of a tour of my favorite country, and we have a couple of spaces on the private yacht we rented for the excursion. (It holds 14 people max so I mean, very private.)

We’ll be living large (jacuzzi on the deck, private naturalist and dedicated staff) as we cross off this major bucket list item. If you’ve always dreamed of walking in Darwin’s footsteps in this enchanted archipelago, but didn’t have the time or funds for our full Ecuador trip, now’s your chance to do it in style!

 Cheers—

Jeannie Ralston
Founder and CEO

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